Thursday, October 11, 2007

Horace Phair


To everyone concerned - we are running anywhere from 2 hours to 6 days late, as usual.

Ashland, thank you for the slightly scary motel and the fantastic heart attack breakfast. Also tea. Also snow on ridges. In October.


The way to go from the tea house to the saluthaus is - turn left out of driveway. Go 9 miles east on route 113. turn left onto I-5. Drive 700 miles north. (Do not stop for the boatgirls.) Turn right. Go in a spiral towards the saluthaus until you are there, and park.

Tracy and Peter, you rock my socks off, as always. I get to your house, and I simultaneously want to talk, drink tea, juggle, and fall asleep on the couch. This is a good thing. One of these days we are actually going to arrive, and NOT leave again for weeks, like we always threaten to. We will, however, arrive with boxes of food. This is also a good thing.

Crowd in General - sorry for running away when we first arrived, we had Crowdy Shyness, which we soon overcame.

Oak trees in the park - thanks for the acorns. I don't know what's happening with you, but I'm guessing it's going to be a hard winter. We appreciate your letting us know.

Horse chestnuts - thank you also, for being cool in pockets and not sneaky being thrown at people. Mostly. I was never there.

Walter and QXZ, Great to see you again, Valtah. Yes, you can interview us anytime, and we both promise that we won't be drunk the entire time. Only part. Also, we might get a visit from the saluthaus contingent in February, so if you need sunshine, that might be the time to do it. QXZ, you are a peach. It's wierd and cool to "meet" someone I feel like I've known for at least five years. We have a place saved for you in the Everything, Kansas Mansion of Doom. Or a yurt, if you are an antisocial type, take your pick.

panamaus, You're my wife now, Dave. Although that was quite the smooch you laid on me when we first arrived - are you sure there's something you're not telling me? We love you. You is good people, and we will keep you.


ideath, cooking in your kitchen with you is truly great, and I didn't break any knives and/or cast iron pans - and even when my feet stick to the floor. I haven't faced my stripey socks yet. Also I learned some new recipes, and that's the biggest Pot O' Tofu I've ever seen.

I learned some useful things from you -
Making food on Sunday afternoon for lunch for hungry, vaguely hung over noders was a brilliant idea. However, making food on Sunday afternoon that was meant for about six people, and trying to stretch it to feed 18 was not entirely a success. Next time, plan ahead that We Will Be Providing Lunch for all and sundry two hours before the pie party, and cook for a mob. Also, remind me to feed myself, otherwise beer go to head and grundoon get stupid. I highly recommend sign up sheets.

Cronfrom, why has it taken us five frickin' years to play some music together? We, jointly, suck. When you come down in February, we will invite all the local plunkers to horrify you with our caconophy.

Ouroboros, despite your being descended from the Borgias, this time you FAILED to poison me, although you might have succeeded without the incredibly effective chaperonage of a nine-year-old. She was going to keep me in line, Vesper Martinis notwithstanding. Also, Gin Fizzes rock, more please.

Mitzi, huge apologies, I did not read your letter aloud. I have forwarded on to the people you mentioned, and will be happy to give it to anyone else. It was a HUGE party...we arrived late on Saturday, and had to leave early because Tess was scared of the loud drunk guys on the porch...and there was no great time for reading aloud. The dog ate my homework. Forgive. I will do better next time.

Musicians of the Creaking Planks, blessings on your firstborn(s). It was great to jam with all of you, and John, you are the first person ever to have guitar envy over my guitar. Send me your email address, and I'll tell you the story and where you can get one. Rowan, I wish I knew an accordion player locally, and next time I come to Vancouver I will come and bug you to play more music with me. The whole concept of seven instruments that were never meant to be played together is most excellent. Some afro-celtic-klezmer-zappa fusion, anyone?

Pornwatchers on the living room futon - You suck. Seriously. Next time, please think about your unintended, unwilling, uninterested, and/or underage audience. I'm all for sex positive, and all that, but I also REALLY don't want to explain a blue video to a nine year old. At least have enough sense to go into another room, where I, for one, do not have to walk past your screen to get to another room. Really, people, show some sense. If any of you ever have kids, I will seriously send them creepy shit anonymously in the mail.

You really pissed me off. Huge, groveling apologies will only be accepted if accompanied by boxes of chocolate, roses, and booze.

Notes to self -

Noders listen more carefully to announcements made when I am wielding a large, sharp kitchen knife. They also listen more carefully when I am making an announcement about food or booze. Remember this for future gatherings.

Also, people seem more willing to volunteer for dish-doing when I am knife-wielding. I have no idea why this is so, but those of you who washed up, many times, you are the glorious grease of all well-oiled party machines, and I will save multiple blessings for your numerous offspring. I will also continue to cook for you, as long as you do the washing up.


Tracyfab and Peter, you were the antidote to Icky Hotel Syndrome, and made us all human again. Paladin is definitely gay, sorry, Peter. Is it always this dangerous? We love you.